Robert Lucas, Iowa Territorial Governor

Honey War Of 1839 Database

2004-11-11T13:10:00.000-06:00

Well, well... what do you know?

The State of Missouri has created a Internet-accessible database to list all of the Missourians involved in wars until World War I.

THEY call it the "Iowa War" or the "Honey War" - that's mine:

Included are some relatively obscure conflicts, such as the "Honey War" of 1839. A border dispute between Missouri and the territory of Iowa intensified after a Missouri man cut down three trees that housed honey-producing bees in an area claimed by both sides. Militias were called out but never fought, and a judicial settlement finally established a boundary in 1851.

Plum Grove

2004-10-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

My home won't be open much longer this year, so visit Plum Grove in Iowa City while you can. It reopens on Memorial Day.

When you're as old as I am, you tend to take things a bit easier. I'll be back with another cranky post when the situation requires it.

Lincoln's Priorities

2004-09-21T06:32:00.000-05:00

Cherie Nelson had this to say in the Waterloo Courier:

Then there were the infamous quotes by Leon Mosley, one of Black Hawk County's Board of Supervisors.

"As far as I'm concerned, he's Abraham Lincoln (speaking of President George W. Bush). Abraham Lincoln freed the blacks, and he's freeing the Iraqis and Afghan people."

I made it a point to seek clarification from Mosley.

We disagreed.

He supports his quote to credit Lincoln with freeing the slaves; however, he does acknowledge that Lincoln only did so to regain control of the Union.

I exhaled in relief.

There was a time when all students were taught Lincoln was the "Great Emancipator" who freed the slaves. The Emancipation Proclamation, they also learned, was a critical important step in achieving that goal.

But I reminded Mosley that I was from the Land of Lincoln --- the state of Illinois--- and my senior year of high school we learned to believe Lincoln was not motivated by a commitment to end slavery.

The proof is in his famous letter to Horace Greeley in which he quotes " ... my paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and it is not either to save or destroy slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave, I would do it. And if I could save it by freeing all the slaves, I would do it. And if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that."

Once my contemporary American history senior class was made aware of this quote, from a president we had been taught to love and respect, we learned to question other significant events in our history.

While Lincoln and the Emancipation Proclamation came after my time, I would have supported such a thing. Remember, I left the Democrats over slavery and joined the Whigs just before my death. And as we all know the Whigs essentially morphed into the Republican party.

But Miss Nelson bastardizes Lincoln and trivializes history by citing that letter to Horace Greeley in her modern, historically-inept way of trying to insinuate that Lincoln was a racist. Miss Nelson is full of more crap than a constipated bull.

Lincoln swore to uphold the Union - not free the slaves, but the Emancipation Proclamation was an excellent multi-purpose document:

President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation on January 1, 1863, as the nation approached its third year of bloody civil war. The proclamation declared "that all persons held as slaves" within the rebellious states "are, and henceforward shall be free."

Despite this expansive wording, the Emancipation Proclamation was limited in many ways. It applied only to states that had seceded from the Union, leaving slavery untouched in the loyal border states. It also expressly exempted parts of the Confederacy that had already come under Northern control. Most important, the freedom it promised depended upon Union military victory.

Although the Emancipation Proclamation did not immediately free a single slave, it fundamentally transformed the character of the war. After January 1, 1863, every advance of federal troops expanded the domain of freedom. Moreover, the Proclamation announced the acceptance of black men into the Union Army and Navy, enabling the liberated to become liberators. By the end of the war, almost 200,000 black soldiers and sailors had fought for the Union and freedom.

From the first days of the Civil War, slaves had acted to secure their own liberty. The Emancipation Proclamation confirmed their insistence that the war for the Union must become a war for freedom. It added moral force to the Union cause and strengthened the Union both militarily and politically. As a milestone along the road to slavery's final destruction, the Emancipation Proclamation has assumed a place among the great documents of human freedom.

It seems shameful that a black woman like Miss Nelson would want to trivialize Abraham Lincoln's accomplishments. Going to war to unite a country while liberating an entire race is not easy work, but he Lincoln accomplished it and paid for it with his life. She should be grateful, even if she is an outrageous partisan of the Democrat variety.

Yes, Lincoln was no militant abolitionist, but he was never in favor of slavery - and publicly opposed it as far back as 1837 when he was an elected member of the lower House in the Illinois Legislature. He even tried to get it outlawed in the District Of Columbia as far back as 1849. As President, DC was the first place Lincoln abolished slavery - in 1862.

Only a dimwitted idiot would try to put today's political hegemony and spin on issues from 153 years ago, and I believe Miss Cherie Nelson certainly qualifies as one.

Health Care: Old School

2004-09-14T14:28:00.000-05:00

I just don't understand health care in this modern age.

When I was born the life expectancy was around 30, but consider all the diseases, lack of immunization, and unsanitary conditions of the time. It's a miracle I made it to 71 years before I kicked off.

I attribute my longetivity to a healthy sex life with my second wife, Friendly, who bore me 7 of my 8 children. Friendly was a good name for her. She was more than just Friendly! Everybody's gotta have a good woman. But that's Iowa City for ya, it'll make ya feel whiggy just by living there.

We didn't have insurance or even much in the way of hospitals in the 1850s. Nevertheless, the local doc always lived in the nicest house in town AND he made house calls! If you couldn't pay cash, he'd gladly accept a plucked chicken in return. You certainly can't get that kind of co-pay deal in this day and age.

Everybody complains about the lack of access to health insurance or the cost of health insurance. Why is it so expensive? You people live way into your 70s and 80s with increasing regularly. Why do you have to take 15 pills a day? Why do you all have 100 pounds extra? Look at my picture. I am fit and trim, even in old age. That's what a lot of walking, hard work, and getting busy at night will do to ya!

Death To The Pukes

2004-09-13T10:50:00.000-05:00

Who is this Al Franken character?

Franken told the Democratic crowd of 250 gathered in Ottumwa's Central Park that Cheney deliberately intends to frighten voters into supporting the Republican ticket and to watch for such comments Monday.

"He's going to announce that if Iowa goes for Kerry, al-Qaida will hit Ottumwa - with a nuke," Franken joked.

I also almost got into war with Missouri over a bunch of honey trees - which seems kind of absurd these days, but I suppose it gave young men something to get riled up about.

But is having some 4-eyed, East Coast, miniature dweeb suggesting that those towelheads are going to nuke Ottumwa - well is that supposed to be funny?

I could kick his ass back to St Louis Park, MN, Noo Yawk City, or wherever this pansy claims to live.

Al Gore Doggin' On Methodists

2004-09-09T13:58:00.000-05:00

In the latest issue of The New Yorker, former Vice President Al Gore said this about President Bush:

Gore's mouth tightened. A Southern Baptist, he, too, had declared himself born again, but he clearly had disdain for Bush's public kind of faith. "It's a particular kind of religiosity," he said. "It's the American version of the same fundamentalist impulse that we see in Saudi Arabia, in Kashmir, in religions around the world: Hindu, Jewish, Christian, Muslim. They all have certain features in common. In a world of disconcerting change, when large and complex forces threaten familiar and comfortable guideposts, the natural impulse is to grab hold of the tree trunk that seems to have the deepest roots and hold on for dear life and never question the possibility that it's not going to be the source of your salvation. And the deepest roots are in philosophical and religious traditions that go way back. You don't hear very much from them about the Sermon on the Mount, you don't hear very much about the teachings of Jesus on giving to the poor, or the beatitudes. It's the vengeance, the brimstone."

You mean to tell me that Al Gore is comparing the Methodists to Wahhabi Muslims?

President Bush is a Methodist.

I'll get John Wesley to sucker-punch that fat-assed, bearded turd for doggin' on da Methodists.

WHINOs and Nuanced War Heroes

2004-09-09T08:54:00.000-05:00

In the Des Moines Register, David Yepsen says John Kerry is on the ropes.

I don't know much about John Kerry, but back in my day I knew that slavery was a sin and that the Democratic party had left me because of their support of it. My only alternative, really, was the Whigs. Zach Taylor said he wasn't going to sign the Compromise of 1850, which contained the Fugitive Slave Act, but he died and Millard Fillmore signed it anyway. What a WHINO that Fillmore was!

There's no way I could have supported the nuanced Democrat candidate, "Brigadier General" Franklin Pierce. Yes, he claimed he a "war hero" and all, but wasn't everybody back in those days? Fainting Frank would get drunk and tell stories about the Mexican-American War, but we all know Frank got his Purple Heart from having his horse fall on him. I could never support a dildo like that.

Sometimes, I wonder, if I had lived would I be a Republican today? Perhaps, due to the abolition of slavery. I might be somewhat less-inclined today due to the Republicans' support of the Iowa Values Fund, but that doesn't mean I'd be a Democrat again. The notion of money the State receives from gambling (impossible for this Methodist to consider!) being given as corporate welfare to large companies (impossible for this Freemason to consider!) leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.

Props To Martin Van Buren, 8th President In Da House

2004-09-09T01:50:00.000-05:00

First Governor... first "territorial" governor - what's the damn difference?

If Martin Van Buren can have a blog, why can't I? After all, Van Buren is da man who installed me as the first "territorial governor" of Iowa (and screw you, William Henry Harrison, I hope you die an early death for revoking my patronage gig!)

Like some modern day politicians, I was a war hero, I was previously the governor of Ohio, I nearly started a war with Michigan, and I'm a Democrat, dammit!

Yes, I later became a Whig, but only because those old skool Democrats wanted to keep the black man enslaved and I'm not down with that jive, knowwhatimean?

Hopefully you can get some understanding of the issues of today from my perspective, and if you don't like that I'll get all Freemason on yo' ass, dig?