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Location: Iowa City, Iowa, United States

Born in Shepherdstown, Jefferson County, Va. (now W.Va.), April 1, 1781. Served in the U.S. Army during the War of 1812; member of Ohio state house of representatives, 1808-09, 1831-32; member of Ohio state senate, 1814-22, 1824-30; Governor of Ohio, 1832-36; defeated, 1830; Governor of Iowa Territory, 1838-41; candidate for U.S. Representative from Ohio, 1842; delegate to Iowa state constitutional convention from Johnson County, 1844. Methodist. Member, Freemasons. Died February 7, 1853. Interment at Oakland Cemetery, Iowa City, Iowa. Lucas counties in Iowa and Ohio are named for me.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

WHINOs and Nuanced War Heroes

In the Des Moines Register, David Yepsen says John Kerry is on the ropes.

I don't know much about John Kerry, but back in my day I knew that slavery was a sin and that the Democratic party had left me because of their support of it. My only alternative, really, was the Whigs. Zach Taylor said he wasn't going to sign the Compromise of 1850, which contained the Fugitive Slave Act, but he died and Millard Fillmore signed it anyway. What a WHINO that Fillmore was!

There's no way I could have supported the nuanced Democrat candidate, "Brigadier General" Franklin Pierce. Yes, he claimed he a "war hero" and all, but wasn't everybody back in those days? Fainting Frank would get drunk and tell stories about the Mexican-American War, but we all know Frank got his Purple Heart from having his horse fall on him. I could never support a dildo like that.

Sometimes, I wonder, if I had lived would I be a Republican today? Perhaps, due to the abolition of slavery. I might be somewhat less-inclined today due to the Republicans' support of the Iowa Values Fund, but that doesn't mean I'd be a Democrat again. The notion of money the State receives from gambling (impossible for this Methodist to consider!) being given as corporate welfare to large companies (impossible for this Freemason to consider!) leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.